Shiver
by commandmetobewell
Summary: "Don't you know? I like the cold."


**A/N: Trigger Warning: Death or Dying.** I remember this one, haha. Angst galore!

The winter snow drapes them in a white blanket. They are mere children, just shy of six years old each. They cling to each other as the wind bellows for them to turn back. It is no use, for they are a lost cause now. Their heavy parkas and wool scarves are but wooden swords against machine guns in this storm. The younger one, red faced and exhausted, collapses into the puffy ice on her knees. Her asthmatic lungs heave into overdrive in order to cycle air through her tiny frame. The older one, and obviously physically the stronger of the two, cocks her head over her shoulder in concern.

"Sasa, we have to keep going. We're nearly home," she cries out. With heavy footsteps, she waddles back to her younger sister. Their little bodies look like specs as the world becomes nothing but an eggshell canvas. Sara looks up and into her sister's eyes, knowing that those hazel depths were the only warmth she had left in this winter wonderland.

"It's cold, Tee Tee. Where's Mommy?" She whimpers painfully, her voice lost to the wind. Tegan gives her a gummy smile to calm her down and turns back to gaze over her shoulder. With a gloved finger, she points forward.

"It's just a little bit that way, Sara. Come on. Mommy's probably making hot chocolate for us right now," Tegan says in a calm and soothing voice. Sara shakes her head and curls her petite body further into the snow, threatening to bury herself whole. Tegan reaches down and grabs at her arm, tugging lightly on the thick parka.

"Sasa, please," she begs, drawing back Sara's attention. The younger twin's head snaps up and Tegan is surprised to see tears falling from her eyes. Sara usually takes pride in being the emotionally stronger of the two; but, right here, right now, she is letting her walls down and Tegan can see right through, all the way to her vulnerable soul.

"I want mommy, Tee Tee. I'm cold." Her voice is feeble and shaky, and Tegan knows that Sara is stubborn and unrelenting; it must be serious if she is willing to admit weakness. She gazes at Sara's quivering body and chattering teeth. An idea pops into her young mind as she smiles at Sara with a knowing expression.

Quickly, she reaches for the zipper on her parka. Taking just a few moments, she slips off the heavy winter coat to reveal a long-sleeved and thermal wool sweater, complete with Winnie the Pooh stitched on the chest. She takes the heavy coat and drapes tentatively it around her sister's slackening shoulders. Sara's eyes widen and her mouth hangs open to reveal the two missing teeth that were lost earlier that month.

"Tee Tee," she says with remorse and surprise, "but you're gonna be cold, too." Tegan shakes her head and puts on a brave face, the same one that her mother taught her to do when her dad left them two years ago. She crosses her arms over her chest and gives Sara another gummy smile.

"Don't you know? I like the cold."

Tegan says the encouraging words to help her younger twin, but she is lying, and Sara knows this. The younger twin, however reluctant, snuggles into the jacket. It smells like her sister, and in that moment, she knows that she will be okay. With wobbly knees, she rises from the snow and reaches out blindly. Tegan doesn't have to see her hand to grasp it tightly in her own. She nods at her sister, before tugging on her hand gently.

"Let's go home, Sasa," she says in a soft voice. Sara snuggles in beside her sister, pressing her body to her older twin's shoulder. Tegan and Sara trudge through the snow as deep as their knees. They walk in unison, each foot stepping at the same rhythm and time. Each footprint behind them is erased, wiped away by a fresh layer of white powder.

It feels like it's been at least an hour, and Tegan's confidence has only gotten them deeper into the storm. All around them is white. The roads are gone, the slick pavement buried deep under the white powder. The street signs are too high for them to see anyways, and the houses all look the same from where they stand. Sara feels something prickle at her face and she turns to see gooseflesh spreading across Tegan's neck and face.

"Tegan…," Sara mumbles softly as she begins to reach for her sister's jacket hanging around her shoulders. Tegan cocks her head downwards and shakes her head. Her lips are blue and her teeth are chattering, but she refuses to seem weak in front of the younger twin. Sonia left her in charge, and she promised to take Sara home, so that's just what she intends to do.

"I'm okay, Sara. Come on, it's not far now," Tegan calls out in a low voice. Sara sees the fear in Tegan's eyes for a millisecond, but before she can say anything in her stuffy voice, it's gone and Tegan is leading them again. She blindly puts her faith in her twin as they power through the snow storm.

As they stumble through the blizzard, Sara ponders their decision to leave the house in the first place. Their mother had told them that the weather was not good enough to play outside; they were restricted to stay inside and keep warm while she ran to the store to buy candles and provisions, should there be a blackout. The twins, of course being young and rebellious, thought they would use this opportunity to go out on an adventure of some sorts. They had watched an episode of a cartoon with their favourite hero finding a secret land while getting caught in a winter storm. At this moment, as she clings harder to her twin, Sara regrets ever stepping foot outside.

The sky is beginning to darken, and Tegan knows that it will soon be nightfall. She can feel her young heart begin to slow and her lungs burn like molten lava as they trudge back to their home. She takes a quick glance at Sara, noticing the fear in her stature. Tegan can't feel her nose or her fingers or even her tiny ears, but she continues leading, because she knows they are nearly there. At least, she hopes they are.

Before long, they come across a side street and Sara is the first to cry out, "Tee Tee, look! It's home! We're home!" Tegan follows her sister's gaze and recognizes the old shingled roof and worn grey doors. A smile plays at her chapped lips and she nods. Her body is tired and achy but finally she's home. She lets out a breath of relief and relaxes slightly.

She did it. She brought them home.

Sara is excited and happy for the first time that day. In her glee, she misses the slowing steps of her sister. She doesn't feel as her twin's body begins to quiver. She forgets that her twin is one layer short of warmth; she's unprotected from this storm. Sara picks up her pace, and now she is the one leading. She tugs on Tegan's hand and runs towards a home that awaits hot chocolate and a fireplace.

When she tugs after the third time, Sara is met with a resistance and her small body is jolted backwards slightly, much like a dog on a leash. She turns around to see Tegan bent over and breathing hard. Her body is almost as pale as the snow, and Sara can't see where she stops and where the ice begins. Tegan still hasn't caught her breath and now Sara is worried.

"Tee Tee?" She asks, moving back so she's closer. The steam from her sister's breath clouds her vision, and for a moment, Sara questions if she's even there. Tegan tries to lift her head and gaze at her sister, but her small body doesn't allow it. Now, she's the one to drop to her knees as the snowfall increases steadily. Tegan coughs once, and then again, but harder. The younger twin glances back at the house, now glowing with light. She can see a shadow moving, presumably her mother, and she wants to go there.

"Tee, please. Come on!" Sara grabs at Tegan's arm and yanks hard. Instead of lifting Tegan out of the snow, she only causes her to fall deeper into it, but this time on her side. Now lying on her back, Tegan can gaze at her twin with glossy eyes. Her lips are a deep blue and small icicles have formed under her nose. Her hands are trembling harder now.

"We're home, Sasa. I-I… I told you, we'd get… h-home," Tegan stutters, her eyelids threatening to close now. Sara looks back at the house, and then back at Tegan with desperate eyes. There is fear in her voice as she begs again, "please, Tee, let's go."

Tegan shifts her gaze to the house behind her twin. She wants to move, but she can't. She's frozen on her side, her body melting into the snow. Faintly, she shakes her head and closes her eyes again.

"I… I like the cold, Sasa," Tegan mumbles tiredly, her smile beginning to droop and falter from the harsh chill. Sara feels the tears dripping from her face to freeze on her chin. Sara cries and collapses next to her sister, shaking her as hard as she can with what little strength she has left. She digs her cold fingers into the snow incrusted sweater and pulls again, but its no use. Tegan isn't moving, and Sara isn't strong enough to move her.

Sara simply watches her sister with helpless eyes. The tears are falling faster now, and even though she is a mere few minutes from home, she feels so lost. Suddenly, she remembers the jacket. With shaking fingers, she unzips the extra layer of armour and throws it haphazardly over her sister's trembling frame, like a protective blanket.

"I know, Tee Tee," Sara breathes out as Tegan's eyes open slightly. The hazel depths are warmer than any fireplace and for Sara, Tegan will _always_ be her home. With one last glance at their home, at the place they once called their fortress and their haven, Sara takes a deep, chilly breath. The air is sharp and stabs at her throat as she breathes. Tegan coughs again, drawing Sara's attention back to her.

Sara cries harder as she realizes the coat is not enough. She cries, not because the winter winds were slashing at her small frame, but because it was her idea. She wanted to explore and Tegan had been the reluctant one. She was supposed to go alone, but Tegan found her just before she left. She told her, in a protective voice, that she'd accompany Sara on her adventure, even if she didn't want to go.

"S-Sasa…," Tegan chokes out, breaking Sara from her thoughts. Sara juts her head downwards, wiping her tears. Tegan opens her eyes fully, batting the small ice crystals from her eyelashes as she blinks up at her teary eyed twin. Sara nuzzles into her sister, curling her body into her equally small frame. She pushes her head deep into Tegan's chest, knowing that just the sound of her heartbeat alone was enough to soothe her worries. Tegan shivers and shifts slightly so she can look at Sara again.

"G-go h-h-h-ome. M-M-Mommy… go to Mommy." Each word that comes from Tegan's mouth is gargled and eaten up by the roaring wind, but Sara hears each letter clearly and loudly. The younger twin shakes her head and pushes herself deeper into her sister's grasp.

"M-Mommy. Sasa, get Mommy," Tegan drawls out again, but this time she adds more authority to her quiet voice. She's really pushing it now, but she gets the message out. Sara's eyes open wide and her head snaps up so fast she almost gets whiplash. She scrambles out from her sisters grasp and nods, standing up. She understands.

"I'm gonna get Mommy, just wait here, Tee Tee. I'll be back before you know it. I promise." Sara says, dusting off the snow from her parka. Tegan glances up at her twin and gives her that signature gummy smile.

"I-I-I love y-you, S-Sasa." Tegan stutters, the words muffling as she speaks. Sara leans down and places her lips upon her sister's skin, nearly jumping at how cold it was to touch. Sara knows she has to hurry, so she takes one last glance at her sister before running in the direction of her house.

Minutes later, she's huffing and puffing as she climbs the wooden steps of her house. She practically slams into the door in mere exhaustion. She knocks three times with all the energy left in her spent body, before turning and looking over to see the black parka draped over her sister. Sara feels something in her heart drop, and for a moment, she is winded. She blinks away the black specs forming at the corners of her eyes and takes a deep breath. She looks over at the black parka and feels a shiver run through her body, but it's not because of the cold this time.

The door opens and immediately arms are enveloped around her. When Sara swivels her head back, her face is pushed deep inside her mother's chest. Sonia's words are muffled in Sara's stinging ears, but she can hear relief and fear in her mother's voice. Sara takes a few seconds to linger in her mother's strong grip before she remembers why she came here.

"Mommy, Tegan! We have to help Tegan!" Sara pushes herself away from her mother stamps her feet. She holds out an arm and points to the black parka. Sonia doesn't think twice before she bolts in the direction of her other daughter. Sara is about to follow when her small body is swept up by strong arms. She turns her head to see her father's warm hazel eyes staring back at her. Sara doesn't want his warmth, though, she wants that of Tegan.

The bloodcurdling scream from across the street interrupts their silent interaction, and both daughter and father glance at its origin. A small choked up cry comes from Stephen's throat as he observes Sonia's small body knelt and her head thrown back in a deep, throaty howl. The sound pierces both their ears, and for a moment, Sara almost believes that she is about to go deaf from the noise. In her mother's arms is an unmoving, small and hazy object. Sonia screams again, a painful and heart wrenching wail that's louder than the gale force winds threatening to knock her small body over.

Before she could look further, Sara is turned away and instead, she is swathed in her father's muscular arms. He cradles her and brings her inside as Sonia's pitiful hollers intensify. The door closes behind them and quickly he brings Sara to the fireplace. He sets her down where Sonia had left them last; the comic book is still unread and the stuffed giraffe missing its owners. Sara takes one look at them and bursts into tears, because she knows they will never be touched again. Stephen turns on the TV and flips to random cartoons in an effort to distract Sara's frightened mind.

There's a loud and rough knock on the door, causing Sara to jump. Stephen looks to his daughter with masked fear and quickly says to her, "stay here, Sare-bear. Look at the funny cartoons, okay? I'll be back." Sara nods in a rush as Stephen gets up to answer the door.

Sara can hear her mother's pained voice as speaks in a low tone. Sara tries to listen to her father's advice, but the cartoons aren't funny. Tegan is funny. She wants Tegan, not the cartoons. With a slight swivel, she turns her head and is met with the sight of her twin sister.

Tegan small body lays limp in Sonia's arms, with her face pushed into her mother's chest. Sonia's head dips in sorrow as Stephen mumbles something quietly. Sara catches the tail end; "it's not your fault" and "take her upstairs" are muttered somewhere in translation. Sara breathes out a sigh of relief. Tegan is asleep and they're taking her upstairs so she can go to sleep with a proper blanket. A smile creeps upon Sara's cracked lips for a millisecond.

Then, Sonia takes a step forward.

Tegan's head lolls like a rag doll, and Sara gasps out in shock. Tegan's eyes are still glazed open and staring deep into Sara's, but this time, those hazel orbs contain no warmth. She can clearly see the gummy smile frozen to her twin's face, but it's no longer reassuring or funny. The realization hits Sara and she lets out a small whimper, reaching for her twin with her numb fingers. Sonia and Stephen whip their heads up at the sight of their youngest, and now only daughter, reaching out for her sister.

"Tegan…," Sara whimpers, crawling to her feet. She stumbles her way over to her parents, who seem to be paralyzed. Sara touches her sister's bare arm before looking into her lifeless and cold eyes. Sara reaches for her hand and holds it tightly in her own, before leaning over and pecking her sister's cold, frozen skin. She purses her lips and gives her sister that gummy smile.

"I love you, Tee Tee."


End file.
